TEN-MINUTE PLAYS

By Tom Smith

AUTUMN'S CHILD

Slowly CHLOE enters the room. She has changed into a simple dress.

CHLOE

Momma?

MOMMA

Chloe? Good Lord, what are you doing here? I was supposed to pick you up this afternoon! The hospital said—

CHLOE

Don't worry, Momma, I took care of everything. God, I missed you! And Daddy.

MOMMA

Jack? Chloe’s here!

(no reply)

CHLOE

Is he sleeping?

MOMMA

He gets so tired these days. Chloe, you know I wanted to come when…when I heard the news. But Daddy…

CHLOE

I know, Momma.

MOMMA

Are you hungry? I could make you some pancakes?

CHLOE

Maybe just a cup of coffee.

(MOMMA moves toward the kitchen.)

I'll get it, Momma.

MOMMA

Nonsense, you stay off your feet!

CHLOE

I'm ok, Momma. Really.

(CHLOE enters the kitchen.)

MOMMA

They said on the news this morning that we should be getting frost any day now. You can feel it in the air this morning, can't you? The first hint of change. I had to put on a sweater.

CHLOE

(off; laughing)

You're always cold!

MOMMA

You're just like me; don't say you aren't! Honey, do you want a sweater too? It's a still little chilly.

(she enters CHLOE’S room)

CHLOE

(running out of the kitchen)

Momma, stay out of my room!

MOMMA

(re-enters carrying a baby wrapped up in a blanket)

Chloe? Chloe, who is this?

(CHLOE rushes over, takes the baby and re-enters her room)

Answer me, Chloe!

CHLOE

(slowly re-entering)

That’s my baby.

END OF THE MEAL

CAMERON

How long have we been coming here?

NICK

I don't know. A few months, maybe?

CAMERON

Months?

NICK

Isn't that right? Didn't we start coming here in February or March?

CAMERON

We first came to this restaurant two years ago. Years. Our third date.

NICK

Ok…

CAMERON

Do you honestly have no sense of time? Of history?

NICK

What's with you tonight?

CAMERON

Me?

NICK

You're acting strangely.

CAMERON

I am not. I'm—

NICK

Yes, you are! We were enjoying our meal together. Then…this. I don't get it.

CAMERON

I think you do.

NICK

No. I don't.

CAMERON

Where did our waiter go?

NICK

Do you think someone gave me this tie? Is that why you're reproving me?

CAMERON

I'm not reproving you!

NICK

We should be talking about your job. Or a good movie someone told you to see. Something. Not this.

CAMERON

It's just conversation…

NICK

It's accusation.

CAMERON

Now who's being strange?

(pause as they look at each other)

CAFFEINATED LOVE

SAM

I need to get back to work.

HARLEY

Oh, God, you're one of those A-types, aren't you? You think I'm beneath you!

SAM

Of course not!

HARLEY

Well, I could be if you play your cards right! Ok, that was just a joke. Unless you don't want it to be. It's been a while for me, so I'm not very picky.

SAM

Unfortunately, I am: I like my dates sane.

HARLEY

This isn't a date! Oh, God, were you thinking this is a date? I just wanted a cappuccino and a little conversation. You're putting an awful lot of pressure on me all of the sudden! What are your intentions, anyway?

SAM

I don't have any intentions!

HARLEY

Thank God! Let's just enjoy our coffee and not think about what will or won't happen at the end of our date.

SAM

This isn't a date! You just sat down here.

HARLEY

(loudly, to others)

That's right. It isn't a date!

(whispering)

So he's here?

SAM

Who?

HARLEY

Your boyfriend?

SAM

I don't have a boyfriend.

HARLEY

Look, it's cool. We go out, and your boyfriend just happens to show up. I'll play it casual. Let's just keep on pretending that we don't really know each other.

SAM

We don't!

LIFE AS A SPRINGER SHOW: a you-choose comedy

AMY

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

TOM

I was just about to give up on you.

AMY

I know. I got held up. Not robbed, but, you know…at work. I was going to call, but my cell was dead and if I pulled over and looked for a payphone, I'd just be wasting more time. Let me get something to drink. I'll be right back.

(SHE goes over to the counter and orders a drink.

Behind the counter is a handsome barista, GABE. AMY

flirts with him a little as HE makes her a drink. TOM

watches all this, amused. Finally, AMY returns to the

table)

He is so cute.

TOM

All the baristas here are good looking.

AMY

Guess what he said when I asked him for a single, tall skinny?

TOM

"Where would you like me?"

(SHE looks disappointed)

Well, that's what he said, isn't it?

AMY

Yes, but I'd like to think he's said it only to me. Why are all the pretty people making lattes nowadays? Doesn't anybody model anymore? God, that girl behind the machine looks like some kind of Nordic goddess. No wonder you come here.

TOM

Listen, there's something I wanted to talk to you about.

AMY

It's like you have to be represented by the Ford Agency just to pull a shot of espresso.

TOM

I'm serious, Amy.

AMY

What is it?

***

If Tom reveals…

"I had sex with my best friend," go to page 3

"I had sex with my best friend's mom," go to page 5

"I had sex with my mom," go to page 7

WORSHIP

JUDY

She has beautiful handwriting. No one writes anything by hand any more. It's all email and computers. She wants me to call her. What on earth could we possibly talk about?

JOSH

I'm sure she wants to thank you.

JUDY

For what?

JOSH

For what John did for her family.

JUDY

She'd be thanking the wrong person.

JOSH

Look, just let me go outside. Those reporters just want some kind of statement so they can finish their stories.

JUDY

Your brother's death is not a "story."

JOSH

It's news. He saved an entire family. He's a hero.

JUDY

Heroes live. Martyrs die.

JOSH

I don't understand why you're acting this way! Look, do you like them out there? Do you like them camping on your lawn? Do you like the attention? What?

JUDY

How dare you!

JOSH

Then why won't you answer their questions?

(JUDY pours more coffee, saying nothing)

Maybe Samantha's right. Maybe you do just need to be left on your own.

JUDY

We're out of milk.

SAMANTHA

(re-entering)

Then go get some. Josh, I can catch a 2:30 flight. Can you drive me or should I try to book a shuttle?

JOSH

I can drive. So you're really going?

SAMANTHA

There's nothing else to do here. What about you? Are you still going to stay til next week?

JOSH

I guess. I don't know. How can I leave her like this?

SAMANTHA

This is ridiculous!

(to JUDY)

I'm going to go talk to those reporters.

JUDY

No! I forbid it!

SAMANTHA

Why not? They just want to hear that the family is proud of John. They want to ask about how long he was a firefighter, stuff like that. You can just issue a statement. Josh can go out there and read it.

JUDY

What statement could I possibly make about John?

JOSH

That you're proud of what he did. Mom, he's a hero. They want to—

JUDY

Quit saying that! He is not a hero! You become a hero doing something selfless. He was just doing his job. Is that the statement I should make? Don't you get it? They want me to go out there and cry and talk about how brave he was, how there were things in his childhood that made him special. But there weren't. He was just an ordinary boy!

SAMANTHA

But he did something extraordinary.

JUDY

And what happens after I answer their questions? Tell me that! They'll go off and write stories bloated with sentimentality and make John into something he never was. And before you know it there'll be a memorial service filled with people none of us know. Strangers will send flowers and cards. Then the press will write stories about the huge outpouring of sympathy and suddenly John won't be ours anymore; he'll belong to the world.

SAMANTHA

Is that such a bad thing?

JUDY

Yes! Because newspaper stories become tv news, and tv news becomes national news, and national news becomes tv movies! And the more people interpret John the further away the truth gets! It's like a photocopy of a photocopy of a photocopy. And we'll start to believe it ourselves! We'll forget the real John: the part that wasn't very smart, or very good at his job; the part that abandoned his wife and child. Instead, we'll let ourselves believe the media version of John and we'll lose the real him forever!