THE ODYSSEY
By Tom Smith
Polly
enters. She is a large, nerdy
Cyclops with red braids.
She wears
glasses over her one eye.
Polly
She treats me like
a baby! Clean your room,
do your homework, herd the sheep, wear your glasses!
She takes off her glasses. She stumbles
around, bumping into things.
Polly’s Mother
Off.
Polly! Are you walking
around without your glasses again! Put
them back on!
Polly
She puts them back on.
I look like a
nerd! I’ll never have a boyfriend! Never!
Odysseus
C’mon, Pete, let’s
get out of here.
Just
one or two sheep. If I eat
another nut, I’ll go, well, nuts!
Odysseus
Look at her. She’s 40 feet tall. If she finds us, she’ll eat us!
Polly
Is someone there?
Odysseus
Let’s go!
Polly
Is it a sheep?
Odysseus
Baaa! Baaa!
Polly
Looking around.
My mother will
kill me if she finds you here instead of your pen. Here sheepy, sheepy, sheepy. Where are you?
Pete
Maybe we should
go, Odysseus!
Polly
That’s not a sheep! It
sounds like…like a human! Where are you
human, human, human?
She spies Pete. She picks him up.
There you
are! Say, you’re cute! Do you have a girlfriend?
Pete
Put me down! Put me down!
Help!
Polly
Shhhh…not so
loud. My mother will hear
you. I’m not supposed to play with
humans.
Pete
Please let me go.
Polly
What are you doing
here, anyway? Were you trying to steal
my sheep?
Pete
Yes. I mean, no.
I mean…Odysseus, help!
Oh, look, you have a friend.
She drops Pete.
He’s even cuter
than you are!
Grabs Odysseus.
What’s your name, cutie?
No
answer.
Don’t be shy. What’s your name?
Nobody.
Polly
Nobody! That’s a silly name!
Well, I’m a silly
guy.
Polly
You and your
friend have been very naughty, trying to steal my sheep!
We weren’t trying
to steal your sheep.
Together with Pete.
You weren’t?
Together with Polly.
We weren’t?
No! We were just trying to get a closer look at
you.
Together with Pete.
You were?
Together with Polly.
We were?
You’re very
pretty.
I am?
She is?
I fact, I wanted
to get close enough to…to…
Together with Pete.
What?
Together with Polly.
What?
To
kiss you.
Together with Pete.
What!
Together with Polly.
What!
You see, I kinda
have a thing for girls in glasses.
Pete
Are you crazy?
Oh, goodie! My first real kiss!
May I?
Polly
nods.
Pucker up!
Polly leans in for the kiss. Odysseus
pulls off her glasses
and breaks them.
Quick, Pete, run
to the ship!
Polly
Come back!
Polly
starts bumping into things, unable
to find her glasses.
She finds them and
puts them on but they have been broken.
Waaa!
Odysseus and Pete run for the boat.
Polly’s Mother
Off.
Polyphemus! What was that sound? Who broke your new glasses?
Polly
Off.
Nobody broke my glasses!
Polly’s Mother
Off.
Well somebody did.
Who was it?
Polly
Off.
Nobody!
Polly’s Mother
Off.
If it was
nobody then it had to be you. You’re
grounded!
Polly
Off.
But Mother… Waaa!